i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just cropdusted the office
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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