Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
