so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
