hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
