you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
