We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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