I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
