Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's not a walk of shame if you run
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
