yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
