We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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