I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
