we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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