I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
