friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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