does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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