He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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