We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
