I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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