i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
