He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
