Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
