The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
