I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
