he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
