I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
