Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
