hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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