I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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