closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Green mimosas i think yes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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