All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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