there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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