And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
