if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
