it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is my gift to your gina
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
