I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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