He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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