Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
