Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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