Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
