margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
