nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
