He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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