I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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