Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
