So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
