I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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