i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
