I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
