GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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