Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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